Assvice: n. The annoying habit of giving unwanted and unasked for advice to a stranger. Very common in new mother's who are bursting at the seams to share their child-rearing knowledge with other mother's because they think they are the ONLY person to have discovered said knowledge
I was in the grocery store the other day perusing the baby food aisle. I don't even know why I go down that aisle anymore as Alex and Mia barely eat the stuff now. I was looking over the fine selection of jarred food because I have an obsession with it, even though I make most of my own baby food. A woman approached and started to check out the Gerber Graduates corn. I felt a burning, yearning desire deep down in my core to shout out, "DON'T BUY THAT STUPID SHIT! WHY WASTE YOUR $$?" I bit my tongue, I swear it almost started to bleed.
And just when I thought that amazingly intense desire to share my thoughts had subsided, my mouth opened and out came this cheerful know-it-all voice that said, "You know, frozen veggies in the microwave do the exact same thing and they are SOOOOOO much cheaper!"
"SHUT UP!" my inner-self yelled. When have I ever been concerned with cheaper when it came to grocery shopping?
"Thanks," the mother responded as she placed the package back on the shelf and high-tailed it down the aisle. Inside she was probably saying, "Listen bitch, if I wanted your advice, I would have asked for it!"
When I got in line, she was in front of me and I half expected her to put that bag of Gerber Graduates corn on the conveyor belt, but, alas, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the bag of frozen corn instead.
Hey, at least you were right! It IS cheaper. I love being right.
Posted by: Linda | April 06, 2005 at 09:46 AM