A Tale of Two Kiddies

More Things I Thought I'd Never Hear Myself Say

"Because I said so and I AM YOUR MOTHER!"

This brings to mind many an argument with my own mother starting at a very early age. Somewhere in a box in my attic is a journal from my childhood where I actually documented some of the phrases I swore I would never say to my own children when I had them. You may ask why I haven't tried to find it. The answer is that I am scared to see what I wrote. I've only been a mom for two and a half years and I'm guessing I've said at least 75% of things I swore I never would. My mom said she would place a large wager that not only some of these comments, but all of them, would come out of my mouth when I too had children.

These stupid phrases must be ingrained in our heads at birth, and therefore we do not have the ability to control their being said. This is the only explanation I can come up with because I hate to give my mother the satisfaction of being right.

Things I Never Thought I'd Hear Myself Say

"ALEX, GET YOUR MOUTH OFF THE TOILET SEAT!!!!"

Should I be worried...

that I have mad cow disease? OK, not really, but read on...

For the past couple weeks we have dealt with diarrhea and vomit entirely too much. And now, just when everybody appears to be getting better, I start to develop these weird bumps on my hands and feet.

And did I mention they hurt? A lot? Every time I walk I am in pain and it sucks. So, what do I do? I turn to Dr. Google and come up with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. This is not to be confused with Foot and Mouth disease, which is what my friend thought I meant. Too funny!

Now that I have self-diagnosed myself with the help of Dr. G I feel so dirty! It's so sad because adults don't really get it that often, but I'm convinced this is what I have based on pictures and the description.

I am frantically washing and Purell-ing every chance I get and not kissing my babies on the face, which is so hard because I basically want to eat them up all day long.

Anybody else ever had this? I've called the pediatrician and they say there is nothing I can do. If the kids are going to get it, they're going to get it. YUCK!

Recipe of the Week - August 20th

This recipe is my own creation. I combined my favorite aspects of 3 different recipes and got...

Salmon a la PRO*

Ingredients
4 salmon fillets (cut to portion size)
1 c. soy sauce
white sugar to taste (at least 1 c. or more)
1 T. ginger, minced
4 cloves garlic, minced
3-4 green onions, sliced (green and some white)

Directions
Combine soy sauce and sugar and whisk until sugar dissolves. Taste mixture to make sure iti s the flavor you want (sweeter = more sugar, less sweet = more soy). Add ginger, garlic and green onions (you can also add more or less to taste). Pour mixture into a large ziplock bag and place fish in marinade. Marinate for up to an hour. To bake: preheat oven to 450. Pour marinade and fish into shallow baking dish (preferably glass). Bake until fish is cooked through, at least 20 minutes. To grill: Remove fish from marinade and grill on top of a piece of tin foil until fish is cooked through. Boil remaining marinade on stovetop for at least 5 minutes. Serve fish and marinade over sticky rice.

NOTE: This recipe is not an exact science, which is what I love about it. You can tailor it to fit your family's needs and it will always taste good. This marinade is also good with tuna steaks. Kids love it, too!

How many does this recipe serve? 4 servings, but can be doubled/tripled, etc.
What do you serve with this main dish? Sticky rice and either edamame, sugar snap peas or snow peas

*PRO is an old nickname. I never had a nickname until I was in my early 20's and then it stuck. I served this to my friends for New Years Eve several years ago and they began calling it Salmon a la PRO. The name stuck and the dish is requested often.

Recipe of the Week - August 13th

I love to cook, but seem to have less and less time with 2 two-year olds running underfoot. Instead of the gourmet meals I used to make, I am always in search of the perfect 3-ingredient meal or crockpot recipe that will satisfy everybody in my family.

I've decided to start a "Recipe of the Week," in which I will share my favorite new recipe finds. If you try it, let me know what you think. This week I've decided to share 2 because they're both SUPER easy and very yummy.

Citrus-Honey Chicken

Ingredients
1 Oven-Roaster Chicken (3-4lbs.)
1 c. honey
1 c. orange juice
1 lemon
salt and pepper to taste

Directions
Rinse chicken (do not forget to remove the bag from inside! I've seen it happen. GROSS!). Salt and pepper inside and outside of chicken. Poke several holes in lemon (I use a shish-kebob skewer). Place lemon inside cavity of chicken. Put chicken in oval crockpot. Pour 1 cup honey over chicken, followed by 1 cup orange juice. No need to stir. Cook on low for 6 hours. You can baste the bird as it cooks. I have done it both ways. If you choose not to baste the breast meat will be moist, but not very sweet. The dark meat will be VERY tender and sweet no matter what you do.

Servings: 4 or more
Where did I get this recipe? A neighbor
What do I serve with this entree? Egg noodles and a veggie. The egg noodles are great for the extra sauce in the pot. Rice would work, as well.

Feta, Corn and Black Bean Salsa

Ingredients
1 can white shoepeg corn, drained
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 bunch green onions
1 container crumbled feta cheese (I have used the herb and plain)
salt and pepper to taste
garlic powder to taste

Dressing Ingredients:
1/3 c. apple cider vinegar
1/3 c. sugar
1/3 c. canola oil

Directions
Combine corn and black beans in a bowl with a lid. Add diced green onions. Make dressing and pour over corn mixture. Add feta cheese, salt, pepper and garlic powder. Cover bowl and shake to toss ingredients. Serve with Scoops Tostitos chips.

Optional ingredient: Some people add sliced cherry tomatoes or other veggies. You can totally play around with the combos.

NOTE: This salsa is better if it sits for a few hours or overnight to let the flavors meld together.

Where did I get this recipe? A friend serves it at all her functions. The first time I tasted it I knew it was going to become a favorite in my house.

Sex and the Shot

Let's talk about sex!*

I'm just not that into it. For a really long time it was something we HAD to do at just the right time of the month in order to get pregnant. And then it was to be avoided because we were trying to get pregnant (IVF). And then I had that whole fiasco of a pregnancy and was on "pelvic rest" for pretty much all but 3-4 weeks. During that time Brian was too scared to do anything, so we didn't for a VERY long time. And then we had twins, and we were too tired to do the basic things like shower, eat and brush our teeth, let alone have sex. Plus, when you don't shower or brush your teeth who could possibly find you attractive?

The babies turned 6 months old and started sleeping better and Brian wanted sex. I was definitely not ready for it. And I'm such a beeyotch that I didn't even give in to the pity sex. He got close to nothing for a year. That’s in addition to the previous year where he REALLY got nothing. Poor guy!

And then I found a miracle. I talked to Dr. Fabulous, my OBGYN, and she said, "Try testosterone, it works!" I was like, "What? Will I grow a moustache? Will I get facial hair?" No and NO! It is a very low-dose shot, just enough to give your libido a boost. And boy did I need it!

After the first shot I was a new woman. Not only did I initiate sex, but I initiated MORNING sex...and that NEVER happens. I started wanting sex more, we started having sex more and the cycle grew on itself. Having more sex = wanting more sex! And no other side effects to speak of.

Well, I haven't had the shot in a few months and we're back to a couple times a month. Sad, I know.

Ironically, while I was in the middle of writing this post I met up with Dr. Fab and several girlfriends for drinks. We all discussed the “T-Shot,” as we refer to it. I’m going to see her NEXT week for my next shot.

Anybody else out there getting the T-shot?

*I'm writing this post as if I actually have readers, when truthfully I think the only person that reads my blog is Sarah from Sarah and the Goon Squad. Shout out to Sarah!

My preschool rant

It all started last winter when a friend casually mentioned that she was applying to 12 (YES, 12!) preschools for her twin girls. I seriously freaked out. She had a list already in place, had done all her research and I hadn't even considered preschools yet. So, I hopped on the bandwagon, started researching schools and went to some open houses.

At the time I wasn’t even sure A&M needed to go to preschool, but there I was with the rest of the crazies moms standing in line after the open house to ask questions like “What is your policy with twins?” and “Is this a feeder school for Tiny Tot Prep?” OK, I didn’t really ask the 2nd question, but during this time the sound of my own voice started to irritate ME. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to puke.

In my area, most preschools choose classes by lottery and the ones that don't, with names like Country Day and the like, aren't exactly my cuppa’ tea. No chance was I putting on make-up and sitting around with a bunch of other parents being “interviewed” so my kids could be chosen to go to preschool. I paid the $30-$80 per registration and applied to four schools and waited and waited and started asking those annoying questions of friends, "Have you heard from ABC Preschool?" “Oh, Joey got in? Lucky you!”

Then the waitlist notices started coming in: #16 & 17 (dreadful), #148 & 149 (oh, c'mon), and then there were the schools that didn’t bother to respond, but took my $80 anyways. Thank you very much! I felt like we had been rejected, like my children had been shunned. The truth is, it's a lottery so I know I'm being a bit ridiculous.

As my one friend said when she got her daughter’s acceptance letter, "I feel like Susie just got into Harvard!" And I feel like my kids got the thin letter saying “Thank you for applying, but we’re sorry to say you didn’t make the cut.”

I'm really sad that I let myself get so worked up over this. That I actually care, but I do. I can't help it. I need the break from them, they need the break from me, and school is supposed to be good for you, isn't it?

I know it's not the end of the world. I'm sure they'll go to college even if they don't get into preschool. Right?

The part that annoys me the most about the whole thing is that I bought into the game and got all hung up on preschool. PRESCHOOL?! How pathetic.

Do tell, are your kids going to preschool this year?

Diarrhea and other fun things

WARNING: Gross-out post.

There are some things I really freakin' hate about being a mom and I'm not afraid to say it. My top 3 in order are:

1. DIARRHEA
2. VOMIT
3. DIARRHEA

I can put diarrhea twice, I have twins.

That shit is nasty and we've been up to our eyeballs (and sometimes down to our toes) in it. It started with Alex last Thursday. By Friday we added vomit to the mix. And by Sunday he was blowing out diapers on a regular basis. I knew it was bad when he stood up in his highchair and proclaimed that he had peed when in fact it was poo running down his leg. GROSS!

And then Mia started with the shits on Saturday and it was doubly good times in our house. Laundry, sheet changing, changing 20 diapers in a day when we usually go through 10 or less. Like I said, GOOD TIMES.

Today was definitely a good day. One solid poo from Mia, no poos at all from Alex. I guess he was pooped out. Oh, do I crack myself up. ahhahahahaha!

Should I be worried...

that my 2 year olds have a continued obsession with my birth control pills?

I opened my pack this evening and realized a pill was missing. Now, before you start screaming "BAD PARENTING! PUT THOSE PILLS AWAY!" I need to tell you that they are stowed in a drawer that I do not let my children near. However, the other parental unit in this house allowed them access. Brian got a full dose of crazy, hormonal, kamikaze the nurturing mother side of me with eyes bulging, voice beyond raised, "WHAT IF ONE OF THEM ATE A PILL?"

After my huge rant I went upstairs to find the pill sitting on my nightside table. PHEW! I guess it's time to husband-proof the house...and apologize.

A Plug for Crib Tents

For about two weeks our house has been in total chaos. It started with Mia. That adventurous, little bug figured out how to climb over the top of her crib and propel herself into her brother's crib like a rocketship. The first time she did it we found them both quietly sleeping TOGETHER 3 hours after we put them to bed apart. See the proof.

I know this seems cute and all and Brian and I spent that night staring in awe at our beautiful, sweet, little creations. Then the REAL climbing began.

First 10x each a night, then 20x, then 30x...EACH. Plus, they were waking at the crack of dawn and tearing through their room -- the drawers, the closet and anything else that was not nailed down. And then there was the ranting and raving and kicking and screaming and crying. Mine, not theirs. Obviously, my tactics were not working. For me, it was truly the worst 2 weeks of their life since the first 6 months had passed us by. Who said it gets easier?? I was so stressed out and anxious, worried for their safety, and about to ask my doctor for that Paxil prescription she kept trying to push on me.

I asked advice from friends and got an earful. "Put them in toddler beds!" "Forget the toddler beds, just go to crib mattresses on the floor." "Skip all that and put them in twin beds." "Pad their room and create a jail cell." All of this seemed a little drastic or too premature. I was not ready for my 27 month olds to be tearing up their rooms or worse, the house.

And then there was that camp that suggested crib tents. I didn't want to use them, quite frankly. I was afraid it would stifle their independence, cage them in, scare them, make them hate the beds they love. And then there was that day with no naps and the previous night of climbing 30x EACH and I was exhausted and they were exhausted and I said, "THAT'S IT!" (Anybody's kids read The Pigeon and the Hot Dog?)

Off we went to the big baby store and within 2 hours those crib tents were up and ready to be tested. When Brian got home he said, "WOW, it must have been REALLY bad for you to do that on your own!"

That night was a little bumpy with them crying and me wondering if I had made a terrible mistake. But the next day was better and the next even more so. And then a wonderful thing happened. Alex started ASKING to be zipped up ("zip up, Mommy!). Mia still doesn't like to be zipped at night so we leave her tent open and she doesn't climb. At our bedtime we zip hers and voila, my good sleepers and late wakers are back.

So, if you're considering a crib tent, but aren't sure I'm here to tell you that they are well worth the investment. For their safety and, most importantly, for your sanity.